Be

I’m going to be 100% honest and say this morning did not start off on the right foot at all. I mean, not even close. Before bed last night I asked my hubby to wake me up when he left for work at 6:00am so I could do some cleaning and fold laundry before I had to get the kids up and ready to go to my in-laws so I could go to work. What proceeded to happen instead of getting up, was me laying in bed for over an hour because my body was in so much pain that it hurt to move. With less than 8 weeks left to go until Nugget is born, my body is slowly giving up on me and this stupid humidity we are experiencing currently, is making it even worse. I finally pushed myself out of bed to shower quickly, get all the laundry that needs to be washed (going on 7 weeks with no washer or dryer…thanks flooded basement) get the kids ready and fight with the dogs to eat their snack before putting them in their new kennel. While I didn’t yell or scream AT my kids, I did a whole lot of yelling and screaming in general out of anger, frustration and absolute exhaustion. I got into the car, texted my hubby that I was on the verge of losing my mind and then threw my phone to the floor because I just didn’t want to do life today.

I’ve been struggling a lot with everything going on in life. It’s been 7 weeks since our basement flooded and we are about 2 weeks away from final completion, so it’s been stressful. Thankfully, I have been able to do laundry at my in-laws once or twice a week so I haven’t been behind on it, but it is still such a task of getting it all together, lugging it over there, washing, drying, folding, lugging it home and putting it away. I still have 2 baskets from last week I haven’t put away and 3 more loads I have to do today. Blah. Hubby and I have both been busy with work, Monkey started school this past week so we’re trying to adjust to a new routine, I’m less than 8 weeks away from giving birth and I feel like my life is one hot mess.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in prayer, talking (sometimes begging) God to give me some clarity on the madness of my life. I just don’t understand the purpose of some days. I try to find the good in everything, but lately, it’s been so darn hard! One word that keeps coming back to me, is the word be. I am not sure what it is supposed to mean, but it keeps popping in my head and I’m all like be what?! Be good? Be strong? Be careful? Be nice? Be enough?…BE WHAT?! Then I feel like Ralphie from A Christmas Story where he’s trying to use the decoder from Orphan Annie and decipher  her secret message that starts with the word Be and it ends up being a message of “Be sure to drink your ovaltine!” But I don’t have a decoder pin or a phrase with the exact letters of what Be is supposed to mean. So I’m all like, okay God, what am I supposed to be? (Though I believe I can rule out needing to drink my ovaltine ha)

This past Thursday evening, I discovered in my phone reminders, Boogie (who had been playing with my phone in the morning) saved a reminder in my phone. Can you guess what the word she typed was? Be. No joke. Nothing more typed, no random letters, numbers or symbols. Just the simple word Be. With that constant reminder, this morning after dropping the kids off, the Bible verse Psalm 46:10 popped in my head out of nowhere. “Be STILL and know that I am God.” Another version is the GWT and it says, “Let go of your concerns! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.”

With that being said, it’s all slowly starting to come together and make sense. I will always have things to be concerned about, but God is telling me (and has been trying for a while) to let it go. The concerns I have are not mine to be concerned about. They are for God to handle. As He says, “I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.” If I have the God of the nation, the earth on my side, I really don’t need to carry all of this on my own. Though many times I have been made to know that, as an imperfect human, I sometimes (okay a lot of times) lose sight of that and everything that God has and continues to do for me, my hubby, kids and our life. So God being God, uses even the smallest of humans to show others His love and grace. In this case, he used my little 19 month old Boogie Bear to remind her mama that sometimes life stinks, but I can be still and rest in Christ and know that it will all be okay.