Whose Hand Do I Hold Onto?

This week has continued to be a difficult week for me and I still haven’t been able to put my finger on it. It could be a mixture of personal stress, still adjusting to no medication, a death in the family and a bunch of other things that I don’t even want to think about. But let me tell you, I hit a pretty low moment yesterday where I just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel…just pure darkness and it was terrifying. It is terrifying.

Through out my struggle with Postpartum Depression, I have continued to rely on my Lord and Savior for strength and He has continued to be by my side. But that’s not to say that I don’t have moments of darkness, despair and fear. I still feel pain and anxiety. Nowhere in the Bible does God say that if you follow Him and are a Child of Him that you are exempt from bad things. Nope. You may question, “But how does God, who is supposed to be all about love let someone go through something so bad or painful?” Well that’s what happens when sin entered into the world thanks to Adam and Eve and their poor choices they made. Once sin entered into the world, it left the door wide open for the devil to bring about his darkness into this world.

I came across the picture above on Facebook and it scared me. Yes it’s only a picture and it’s pretend, but lets take the picture for what it looks like and go from there. Let me be honest and tell you, I spend more days fixed on the negative than the positive because honestly, isn’t it easier to focus on the bad than the good? But when I saw this picture, it’s like sirens went off in my head, screaming at me to understand that when I have my moments of darkness, despair, fear, pain, anxiety, worry, hopelessness etc. I am basically handing myself over to the devil himself and he delights in it. satan (yeah I know it’s the beginning of a sentence, but I refuse to capitalize his name) delights in my pain and your pain. Because when I am so focused on how much pain I am in and how I don’t want to go on, I am pulling away from God and pulling into satan without even realizing it.

Over and over in the Bible, there are scripture verses and passages that let me know God is there. That when I am feeling my moments of darkness, despair, fear, pain, anxiety, worry, hopelessness and not wanting to go on, that is when I need to press into God the hardest, and there will be no resistance from Him. He is waiting to comfort me, to bring me peace and give me a place to rest. I need to learn to get out of my head and throw myself in God’s arms, because that is where I belong forever.

So for the rest of this week, I ask for prayer for myself, prayer for every mom hurting from postpartum depression and every single person who is feeling darkness, despair, fear, pain, anxiety, worry and hopelessness. God’s love is so much more than our pain and we can overcome it in Jesus name. My prayers are with everyone who is reading this all over the world and whether I know you or not, because there are many of you that I don’t know personally, God does. He knows you inside and out and loves you more than anything or anyone.
I don’t normally post this, but if you are struggling and looking for someone to talk with, you can reach me through my email at [email protected] or leave a comment below. Together, we will get through our darkness. <3