The end of 2019 was a whirlwind of sickness. Every week I was bringing a different child to the doctor or to the local urgent care. Ear infections and sinus infections plagued our family with a vengeance. It got to the point where I felt I should have been offered a frequent patient punch card. After so many visits, I got one free! Wouldn’t that have been nice?
As with any end of the year, I find myself (like most people) reflecting on the highs and lows of the year. I always reflect on what I felt went well, what I would like to change going into the new year and what I definitely did not like at all. But 2019 was different because not only was I reflecting on the highs and lows of the year, I was also reflecting on the highs and lows of the decade. I think it is just natural to look back and remember the highs, lows, and the in-betweens and to see how you have grown as a person.
As I was preparing for our NYE party, I wanted to find time to sit down and write down a list of resolutions I wanted to make for myself. Did that happen? NOPE. December 31st was a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. Hubby had to work all day, which meant it was up to me to get the house ready for our party that evening as well as try to cook a 12lb pork butt in a cooker I had never used before. My kids didn’t want to listen. They wanted to fight, yell, and whine about everything. Nothing I did worked. I couldn’t go more than 3 minutes and 27 seconds without someone bugging each other. It broke me. I yelled, I cried, and I wanted to throw in the towel. I told my husband on his lunch break that I was going to go out by myself because I couldn’t take the fighting anymore. This definitely was not how I wanted to close out a year, let alone a decade.
I found I created for myself this unnecessary pressure that kept manifesting until I felt my chest caving in. The thoughts and ideas of how I was going to be a better wife and mom in the new year or how I was going to get my blog going even more or how I was finally going to chase after what God wants for my life, it just became too much. As I found myself sobbing in my basement, I experienced a wave of calm and the thought of, “Set Intentions, Not Resolutions.”
I can set resolutions to be a better wife and mom, to read my Bible or pray more, to eat better, work out more, or blog more but lets face it, I am going to fail. I mean, I am human and statistically speaking, only 8% of people keep their resolutions. Most people fail after 12 days. (I totally learned those statistics while listening to Dr. Phil on his podcast. #noshame) But how am I benefitting myself if I am setting myself up for complete and total failure? I am not. Setting resolutions for myself creates this bar that becomes so high that I will not reach it. Which then creates a negative internal dialogue about how I am never good enough. Which is a lie from the devil himself.
So I created intentions for myself. I think that it is always good to look for ways to improve and grow as a person but go into it with the mindset that I am only human and that I am probably going to make mistakes. Probably a lot of them. But allowing myself grace is all a part of the process. And recognizing when I make mistakes and working on making changes is what truly measures growth for myself.
The past decade I have seen some of the most amazing moments of my life and some of the most horrific moments of my life. It is definitely a chapter I am glad to put a close to though. I am not the same person that I was 10 years ago or even this past year. I have seen, heard, and been through things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. As cliche as it is, I have come through these times stronger than I was before. So while I close the door to the past decade and chapter of my life, I look forward to the exciting things that in store this year. I will be sharing sneak peaks over the next couple months until they are ready to be completely revealed so I hope that will continue on this journey with me because the best is yet to come!
“I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in Him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (ICB)