January 3, 2016
I have to say, when I first seen this meme on Facebook, I couldn’t help but laugh really hard. But it wasn’t too long after seeing it, that I realized I had already started coming up with a list of things that I wanted to change about myself in 2016.
You know the list you make for yourself of how you want to be a better person, or workout and eat better, and blah blah blah? It started out with me wanting to pick a couple of areas I wanted to “work on” and what ultimately ended up happening is me coming up with 2 pages of things I wanted to change. After reviewing my 2 page list, I started getting angry at myself because I am not the person I want to be on that paper. I am far from it. At that point, as I could feel the tears starting to fill my eyes, I could feel God whispering to me, “You are already enough to me.”
Welcome to my World
I have had a desire to blog for quite some time now. Writing has always been very therapeutic for me and I have spent many years writing in a journal. As I have gotten older and have had life deal me a countless number of experiences, I have found myself struggling to relate to anyone or anything. Especially these last 6 months. This past June, when my daughter was only 5 months old, I started struggling with postpartum depression. It came out of nowhere, like a brick wall caved on top of me and I have been struggling to get myself out since. Most of the time, I feel like I am alone. That I am the only mom experiencing the pain, frustration and emotions that I am feeling. But I know I am not. I know for one, God is there. Even in my darkest times, when I question Him and where He is, He is there. I just have to learn to be quiet long enough to hear Him.
Recently in my time with God, I have been feeling Him push me towards starting a blog and writing. Why? I have no idea. I’ve told God I have nothing relevant to say but He seems to try to tell me differently, especially in ways that I can’t deny.
Like for example, this was today’s daily inspiration from Demi Lovato’s Stay Strong book.
Okay God, I get it and I am listening. (or at least I am trying to.)